10 Creative ways to not get hired

Maybe you'd rather stay on unemployment, maybe you lost a bet.  Either way, it would be fun. Here are our top ten in no particular order:

1. Don't just chew gum, chew it proudly. Maybe blow a few bubbles and stick it under your chair when you're done. Make sure you look the interviewer in the eyes while you stick it under the chair. Let them know, that you know they know.
   
2. Put little effort into your appearance. I'm not saying look bad, you still have self respect. Just wear all denim.  Or maybe wear a black fleece and give the dog a huge hug before you go.
3. Skip the breath mint. Good breath makes a great first impression. But, you're not trying to impress anyone. Chew on a garlic clove a few minutes before your interview. Take it a step further by rubbing some parsley on your teeth.
4. Fake Tourettes. Shatter that good first impression with a string of obscenities al la Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo.
5. Get a case of the sniffles. At best they'll think you have a coke habit, at worst they'll think you have a cold or maybe the swine flu.
6. Pretend you are Robin Williams. There's no way I'd hire that guy, especially if you're going as Robin Williams dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire.  
7. Wear a funny Hat. Something like Sherlock Holmes' hat would do nicely. Don't forget to call your interviewer Watson.  
8. Pass gas. Let 'em rip, and blame your interviewer. 
9. Short term memory loss. "Who are you?", "Where am I?", "Why are you dressed so poorly?".
10. Fake harassment. Twist every comment into an offensive statement to you. If they ask you "Why are you the right person for this job?", you say "No I will not have sex with you!" or "Keep it in your pants lady!"

Of course, we can't guarantee that any of the above will work.  If you've tried at least 3 of the steps above and you still haven't lost the interviewers respect, take the job. Chances are, you won't even have to show up for work to keep it!